Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
