well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
