"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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