Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
