Whoa Z and x make the same sound
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
