Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize