They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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