I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
