All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
