In the future we'll all be gay
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
