He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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