I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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