apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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