she was so not down for the gang bang
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
