sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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