i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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