But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We have so much sex to catch up on
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
