It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
