Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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