Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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