I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
This house was built for laser tag.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
