Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
