Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
