your room smells of hookers.
And success
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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