My hand turned me down
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
