u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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