maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
