You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
