My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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