why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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