Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
not ubering you a puppy
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
