If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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