I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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