I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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