My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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