dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
