he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
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...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
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Let's get the cat blown out
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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