Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I could fuck to npr.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
