so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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