i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
