when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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