just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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