I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
