I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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