dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
