Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
