dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
