i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
