You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
