Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
