Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
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