ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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