I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
