Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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