My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Alive.
So much puke
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
