When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
