Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
