P.S. I can't hear my feet
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
