Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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